Letters away from home-1

Dear mom,

I’m half way around the world and miss you. I miss you so badly.

I miss the way you always greet me when I come home from a rough day at school. You’ll either be in the garden, or the kitchen or the yard, but wherever you are, you never fail to hear me enter the house. And immediately you’ll naturally greet me warmly, like any loving mother. Most of the time I just respond with a monosyllabic ‘hi.’, and then you ask how my day was which is always answered with an ‘okay’, which in essence isn’t an answer at all. Other times, especially if I fell out with my best friend or quarreled with my teacher (over just ½ a mark in my test) I wouldn’t even respond to your most cheerful smiles and lock myself in my room till you announced that dinner was ready.

Now half way round the world I am still greeted when ever I reach home. However, it’s now by the butler. Once out of the car and on the front porch, he’ll open the main doors wide and greet “good evening madam (I have since managed, after much persuasion, to correct him to young miss, tho’ he insists that it is thoroughly inappropriate due to the fact that I’m already married), I hoped you had a good day at school. Dinner will be served in a while.” He repeats these two sentences everyday without even attempting to vary his tone, pitch, accentuation, accent nor emphasis. I never believed in routines and have tried many times to get him to try at least to create a more interesting and hearty welcome but always to no avail. Sometimes I am convinced that a robot like R2D2 can do a better job than he.

Anyway, school is good and all else is well. I’ve to complete my assignments which are as of now slightly overdue. Please come visit me soon.

Love you (more than I ever have had),
Sasha.

P.S. please tell dad not to finish the chocolates I brought home from Italy. Can’t believe I forgot to bring them over!

between the devil and the deep blue sea

which is worse, a wolf or a wolf in sheep's skin?

just thinking about songs from hilsong and their counter parts. 'christian' lyrics and pop/rock/metal accompaniment.

sets me thinking

*

i don't know about tomorrow, i just live from day to day. i don't borrow from it's sunshine, for it's skies may turn to grey. i don't worry o'er the future, for i know what Jesus said. And today i'll walk beside Him, for He knows what is ahead.

many things about tomorrow, i don't seem to understand. but i know who holds tomorrow, and i know who holds my hand.

every set is getting brighter, as the golden stairs i climb; every burden's getting lighter, every cloud is silver-lined. there the sun is always shining, there no tear will dim the eye. at the ending of a rainbow, where the mountains touch the sky.

i love you, i love you, and i love you.

well, your looks at least.

but, i don't wanna talk to you nor know you more, 'cos i might not like you after that. (ha!)

i just want you to look at me, hug me and kiss me, and allow me to feel that pride of being loved, especially by my longest crush. period.

(if all else fails, i know i'm still gonna meet someone better. =D)

guess what

i've named my new orange adidas bag Alexi and i've gone country this time on my playlists.

cheers!

In the shoes of another

i saw hate in your eyes. The kind of hate that would never forgive, not for all the money in the world. 'cos emotions are priceless, you've always mentioned, with the most expensive being pride. And that was the exact thing of yours he ripped apart yesterday.

it wasn't rape, nor insults, nor rumor of any kind, but it was embarrassment, punishment in front of the whole class. Insults and rumors never bothered you the least. Your gift of being able to turn a deaf ear to all the insignificant rubbish from the lips of others is one trait I’ll always admire of you.

You were punished for being late, an accusation that found you guilty beyond doubt. No qualms from you there. However, you insisted that this was unfair, as you were not warned of such a rule, and hence imposing the punishment on you was not a proper jurisdiction at all.

No one knows these thoughts of yours. No one. ‘cos you don’t intend for anyone to know about them. Throughout the whole ordeal, you remained cool, calm and collected, at least to the untrained or insensitive eye.

I also sense this same hatred when ever the subject of divorce is brought up. You hate the world for it. It’s was not a miserable childhood I lived, you explained, but it’s my future that I am concerned about. You future husband, you future kids, and if they add up to the euphoric, perfect, whole and complete family you have and are dreaming of.

Why do you keep thinking of these things? Why are you showing such resentment to things that are out of your control? Don’t let them destroy you. Don’t let these things take away the joy you have for life and the love and admiration that governs your attitude to the beautiful things of the world. Set your sights on the greater and longer lasting treasures. Put the ugly sins of humans aside and let go of the things you cannot control. Don’t allow the matters of this world cloud your thoughts and control your mind, turn a deaf ear and a blind eye towards them if necessary.

Let ‘em go Sasha, let ‘em go.

cold, wet and tired.

i've set a new school record for speed skating today. and boy, am i happy.

however, i've got a huge test due on monday, which i am supposed to be studying for now as i'm typing. but i'm simply not able too. still trying to contain my excitement from this morning. too jittery inside to study. and i'm not sure it will go away by the end of tomorrow. it's not everyday that i get to set a new record.

argh, the struggles of a student.

eyes that see, but are not seen

there's one to the left, and another to the right. take a few more steps and another walks down the same street in my direction. I’m in the city. The city that never sleeps, and the place that gathers people from all over the country. Beautiful people, specifically, as society labels them. Some have brown eyes, others blue, but all with eyelashes perfectly curled and shimmering eyelids glamorously painted. They’re all dressed in suits or pretty dresses that are made by fabric so soft and light and are embraced by the wind as it passes them by. The boys have gravity defying hair that make them seem as if they have been in a convertible that was moving at 200km/h for an hour straight. Not that it’s messy, but it lifts the dullness out of a masculine face and creates more ingenuity, and give themselves a spirit of fiesta. The ladies on the other hand defy another aspect of nature. Their once naturally brown, black or blonde head of hair now consist of red, pink and even blue streaks or extra curls to boost its volume and cause them to shine above the crowd and the bright neon lights.

The eyes that absorb their surroundings, but definitely not belonging to even the most abandoned corner of it. The eyes that see are covered by straight black hair and with a gaze that is fixed to the ground. They garner a the attention of some, I garner the attention of some. Those ‘some’, who wonder how a person so out dated and without a proper sense of fashion could actually find her way here. Those ‘some’, who at first glance determine in their hearts never to befriend an obnoxious person as I.

I’ll never be part of that glamour and attraction. Not for all the money in the world. Too short, too fat, too thin a make up, too bright a combination of clothes, too ugly a pair of shoes. All these ridiculous standards created by society that people adhere to so religiously. I’ll never be part of what the world looks on as good. ‘cos I’m smarter than the world, and everyone in it is jealous. Ha.

black is such an individualistic colour

like Paris Hilton is going to jail. Many people are mourning at this statement, just like there are many others brimming with glee. So many things happened this week; it’s just overwhelming. I’m sure this was one of the best weeks for the media since the start of this year. Every day, news just churn itself out, like the continuous flow of water spouting from the geyser.

Since Paris is already in the picture, might as well continue. She a model, heiress, singer, and now, a jailbird. (ha) obtained the title by disregarding the law. Driving without a license to be exact. Honestly, I’m sure she does have chauffer so why does she need to drive in the first place? Anyway, it’s 45 days in jail and she cried upon hearing the sentence. Let’s be nice and not flaunt our freedom here, comparing the fact that in prison she won’t be able to wear LV’s or Marciano’s GUESS nor go to the beach in your diamond studded rip curl bikini. Oh, and also bathing nude is prohibited, so she wouldn’t need to worry about being blackmailed again. And did I hear that there isn’t liquor served in prison? Well maybe she’ll get her food on a silver platter, or rather stainless steel plate, but there’ll be no sheets nor pillow nor her dear puppy which I’m sure she forced it into anorexia which explains it’s size. Anyway, I’ll be nice and not discuss all that. But imagine if you are the prison warden who guards her cell. I’m getting very contradicting thoughts. But I’m sure the worst scenario on my mind will come true. It’s America after all.

There was also this American judge that filed a cleaners for 64 million dollars just because they misplaced a pair of pants. Ridiculous! Whacked up laws created by equally whacked up people. Remember the Virginia tech shooting incident? It raised the issue on the banning of guns. And to back up the stand against the passing of this law, one idiot commented, “if we ban the things that might cause fatality, then we might as well ban water too since water can also cause us to drown.” In other countries, this statement of comparison would never surface. their culture really puzzles me as much as why people would rather buy a Carrera over a Lotus Elise.

I was at the bus stop when I managed to get a good look at the car. It was in bright sea blue, really lovely, smart and sensible colour, as compared to the usual black, red or yellow. The head lights stood out very uniquely and special and it gold lettering on the lid of the boot shone brightly in the shimmering sun, taking full authority of it’s majesty which was worth every cent of it’s price tag.
When the issue of ‘price’ which corresponds to the word ‘money’ and then to the word ‘lack’, the whole mood just dampens. Well, that is unless you already own one or you know you are able to afford on comfortably without taking on a heavy loan.

Continuing on, this will seem very sadistic but honestly, the videos from the States in this year’s tornado season, are really pretty… I don’t get tornados near my country see. Having said that, I’m really sorry for those who have lost their homes or loved ones. It is catastrophic and don’t wish it to happen to anyone. Imagine loosing the only roof over your heads or the sole breadwinner of the family. I won’t want it to happen to me either.

Last but not least, the French presidential debate was so cool and unorthodox. It’s the first debate I have set through listening attentively. Maybe it’s the first one ‘cos I’ve just gained a broader understanding of the world. Stepped out of the world of immaturity. 3rd rock from the sun, here I come.

To end this (master)piece, I shall relate it back to the top. Black is such an individualistic colour, just like pink on males is absolutely gay. (with an exception of the topman cap)

P.S. Avril’s ‘Girlfriend’ is fit for the bin. It’s on my play list to the right if you’re interested. Somewhere under the shadow of the other songs.

having a team mate leave halfway through the season is hard to accept. having a team mates that do not trust you is betrayal outfront. team mates that change the group's routine basing only on two members' opinions and judgement is biased, selfish and corrupt. period.