Whispers of the wounds you’ve left on me


I wish you could just shut your mouth for the rest of your life unless I permit you to do otherwise. If I were cruel enough, I would already have used all the vulgarities in all the languages of the world, stuff them into your head and lock them permanently there.


Stupid fool! Do you not have a brain? Are you not able to process information and think for yourself? You had to check the answers to all the questions in the assignment we had to complete during class as I was completing it. My brain is for me. Not to be tapped on by you. Parasite! Worse still, you probably were flaunting your intelligence straight in my face. You made sure to complete each and every question slightly faster then I did. And when you did succeed, you’d compared the answers with me, splashing your all-so-perfect answers into my ears, knowing very well that in doing so you’ll be interrupting my thoughts and thus slowing down my progress in that assignment further. When I do finish the assignment before you, you’re ever so quick to point out my mistakes. Your swiftness in spotting my errors has sometimes made me feel as if those skills you’ve acquired are a cultic.


Moreover, before each paper, you will be saying things like ‘oh! She’s already finished studying and will definitely ace the paper’, and when I exclaim that the statement isn’t true you’ll go ‘she’s so intelligent that she doesn’t need to study much to be scoring full marks for it’. What in the world are you trying to do? Convince yourself before the start of the paper that I am smarter than you? And when we’ve realized afterwards that you actually did better than I it will give you a greater sense of satisfaction and a huge pride of your accomplishment?


I sense the smirk in you every time you beat me in a test, an experiment, a race, anything for that matter. I have already got a learning disability and commitments in school and at other places which makes it more tedious to study. So how much longer are you going to humiliate me, how much more laughers of ‘triumph’ will you be throwing at me, why do you treat me with deride and when will your selfish disdain towards my success end?


I have been so kind to share my answers with you and to sometimes even teach when you’re in doubt. During lunch I help you yet your food, run errands here and there for you, but this is how I see my kindness answered. Yet after everyday, even when I get so frustrated, I forgive, and specifically, I forgive you, thinking that people change, and that tomorrow you may be a better person. But at the back of my mind, having understood the ways of a human mind, I know its just false, fat hope.


If this caprice of yours was intended for evoking such upset in me, congratulations, you have succeeded.