joy

this is in rememberance of my dear cousin's work.

This is Not a Play

Dramatis Personae

Old Man
Widower
Son
Singer
Loan Shark

Setting: 3 consecutive apartments in a HDB flat. Constructed out of frames resembling cubes. Beyond this, all divisions of space are only arbitrary or mimed. There’s a black cloth that hangs in front of each apartment, resembling a door. A banner hangs above the set saying “This is not a play”.

Scene 1

Preferably set in a hybrid between a proscenium and thrust stage. Dim light.

Old Man in 60s enters from audience, as will all other characters. He travels around the stage extensively, picking up materials laid near the audience, constructing an object, that resembles a coffin on wheels. Through this period of time, he occasionally pauses, looks at the audience for a bit, before resuming with his work. This cycle continues for an uneasily stretched period of time, possibly about 2 minutes, before he finally puts down his work, stares at the audience and speaks.

Old Man: (sincerely and genuinely) You’re very funny, you know that? You’ve been watching me for a long time now haven’t you? I know. I’ve been watching you, watching me too. But you’re just going to continue to sit there right? Not going to help me build this thing? No one? Well… it’s okay. I understand. You all paid to sit down and watch this play… so you just sit there, and watch, okay? (grins)

He looks up, takes a deep breath and scans he audience, smiling.

Old Man: Today will be a nice day for my funeral.

He heaves a sigh, turns around drags his “coffin”, withdrawing behind the black cloth of the central apartment.

Scene 2

Lights stronger. Enter Loan Shark

Loan Shark: (violent pummeling on the door near stage right) Li kiam wa an ni zui lui! Gou mai heng wa! (hokkien: you owe me so much money, still dowan return?) Li ga wa chut lai! (hokkien: you better come out ah!)

He looks around and knocks on the door of the old man’s apartment. Old Man draws his black cloth upwards to reveal his “apartment”.

Loan Shark: Eh, Ah Pek! Li eh chut pi see ga do loh ki? (hokkien: where your neighbour die to?)

Enter Mother and Son. Mother is on the hand-phone but seemingly distracted by the spectacle as she tugs her son along.

Son: Hallow Uncle Tay! Wha-

Mother abruptly cuts Son and pulls him along, entering their apartment on stage left.

Old Man: Wa mm zai lah! Yi chut kee jin gu liao! (Hokkien: I don’t know lah. He’s been gone for a long time already) Li meng yi nang, yi nang mah si mm zai…(hokkien: you ask the others, they will also not have any clue)

He puts down his black cloth and loan shark exits.

Scene 3

Light fades in on stage left. Mother and Son’s apartment. She promptly puts down the hand phone when they are in the apartment.

Mother: Quickly, close the doors and off the lights. (stern) Next time, mummy say don’t anyhow talk, you better don’t anyhow talk okay?

Son: But I only say hallow to Uncle Tay! Mummy, what’s happening to uncle ah? How come got bad people talking to uncle ah?

Mother: I don’t know also. Next time you see bad people, don’t care who they talk to, you just don’t ask any questions okay? Even if it’s Uncle Tay, or your classmate, or anyone. Just walk away. If not they will come and beat you up also. You want all those bad people to come and knock our door and take you away is it? If you don’t want you better not make any noise next time.

Son: But then what will happen to Uncle Tay?

Mother: I don’t know also… But it is not our business. Promise me you won’t anyhow do stupid things when got bad people okay? Listen to mummy, be good boy. Promise?

Son: But Daddy say-

Mother: Daddy is not here anymore. Can you promise mummy?

Son: Okay… Promise.

Son goes back into audience

Mother: (Looking upwards) Teo, I promise you I’ll protect our son.

Scene 4

Lights dim. Spotlight on centre. Mother relieving past. 3 years ago. She moves forward to the apron of the thrust stage, miming Son and Teo.

Mother: Where shall we go now? I feel so young again, everytime you bring us here. Back to Changi Village, at Charlie’s corner. That’s where we had our first date remember? Caleb boy, you know mummy and daddy first came here before you were even in mummy’s stomach! Next time when you grow up, you also bring your girlfriend here okay?

A beat.

Mother: Even the moon is so beautiful tonight. I feel so thankful for having you both in my life… Teo? Teo, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Was it the food at Charlie’s corner? Teo! Say something! (grows increasingly frantic) Why are you doing this to me now?! (Teo falls to the ground) Oh God. (she frantically takes out her hand phone but drops it on the ground. It’s spoilt) Argh! Someone help us please! Anyone! Someone please call the ambulance! He needs the ambulance now! (She rushes forward to the audience, frantically besieging audience) Ma’am, do you have a hand phone? Please, my husba- Sir? Could you call for an ambulance please?! No! I won’t steal your handphone. My husband - he’s… he’s… (delirious, pointing at imaginary Teo onstage) Ma’am? You have a handphone right? N-No! It won’t take much time. He’s my husband! Sir! You’re in a rush? But my husb- (she breaks) My husband is dying! Please! Just call for an ambulance NOW! Anyone! Please! He’s my husband! (she collapses on her husband, helpless, sobbing violently) He’s my husband… how can you all just stare and not do anything? Why?

Scene 5

Lights fade in.

Son: Mummy! Mummy! I promise already. Wake up please, Mummy!

Mother: Caleb, Caleb, you must promise mummy okay? If you get beaten up, no one will come and help you. Everyone out there is very selfish. People will just stare and not do anything. Even Uncle Tay won’t be able to help you if you get beaten up, so you must promise me you won’t do anything stupid okay? Just pretend you never see anything and walk away.

She fishes out the handphone in her pocket.

Mother: Caleb, take this handphone and keep it properly. This one spoilt already. Mummy don’t have enough money to buy new handphone. But next time, if anything bad happens that is not your business, you just take out your handphone and pretend you are calling Mummy and pretend you never see anything and quickly walk away.

Son: Orh. Okay mummy… Anyway just now Uncle Tay came to see us and gave me some sweets. See! He tell me don’t worry about the bad people.

Mother: (holds son tightly) Okay Caleb, you stay at home and don’t do anything okay? Mummy need to go downstairs for a while to meet your sam yi mah. Maybe we can find a safer place to live there. Don’t open the door okay? Wait for mummy to come back.

Mother brings son back to their apartment. Brings down the cloth, before exiting into audience.

Loan Shark enters, this time with a bucket of red paint. He splashes the red paint across the black cloth of the apartment on stage right, cursing in hokkien and shouting threats.

Son lifts up the black cloth and peeps at commotion outside.

Son: Uncle Tay… I scared...

Scene 6

Light change. 3 years back. Uncle Tay walks out from black cloth to apron of thrust stage with Son. Loan Shark freezes.

Old Man: What are you most scared of, Caleb?

Son: I’m very scared of… of that monster from the show… King… Um… King…

Old Man: King Kong?

Son: Yah! Yah that one! (loan shark snaps into gorilla mode, hanging and swinging on the bars of the skeleton of the apartment) It’s very scary… and very big! It moves so fast also… and make loud noise. I very scared it will eat me up.

Old Man: (chuckling) Silly boy. Do you know why King Kong beats his chest and make huge roars? Because he is scared and he wants to scare his enemy away. But you know what King Kong likes to eat most?

Son: … Me?

Old Man: No! King Kong loves to eat bananas, like all the other gorillas! So to a gorilla, the banana is very precious to him. But when the gorilla gives his banana… Ah…

Son: Then what happen? Why the gorilla give the banana?

Old Man: Then you know the gorilla is truly courageous and brave enough to give away something that really means a lot to him. Do you understand?

Son: No.

Son and Old Man goes back to the apartments. Black cloth is drawn back. Son peeping out. Light changes back.

Scene 7

Loan shark resumes splashing red paint on black cloth and swearing in hokkien.

Son: I am a gorilla. I am a gorilla. I’m not afraid of you.

He takes a deep breath, pushes past the black cloth and steps out of the apartment.

Son: Sh… She’s not at home!

Loan Shark: Li gong si mi? (hokkien: you talk what?)

Son: She’s not at home!

Loan Shark: (getting irritated) Li gong si mi ang moh kia! Li ai ji xiao wa si mm si? Wa mao li! (Hokkien: What are you talking about you English speaking brat! Are you trying to be funny? I bash you up arh!)

Loan Shark makes a threatening gesture towards Son. Son shrieks.

Son: (shuddering frightfully) Ahh… ahh… (almost crying)

Son takes out the spoilt hand phone, muttering “This is not my business. This is not my business”

Son: (pretending to be on the phone with Mother) Uh… uh… mummy? I’m scared. I’m very scared. This is not my business. I’m going to walk away and pretend I never see anything. Mummy where are you? I’m scared. I’m not a gorilla. I’m not a gorilla. He doesn’t want the banana. Uncle Tay? (sobbing)

Loan Shark panics. Shouting.

Loan Shark: Eh! OI! Li zou si mi? (hokkien: what are you doing?) Ka dian wei kio mah tah ah?Li mai luan lai. Dan dio wa hoot li (hokkien: You better not do anything stupid ah. I bash you up with my parang ah)

Son: Mummy, mummy! Where are you? I’m very scared. I want to go home. I want to go home. The door is locked. I want to go home.

Loan Shark is frantic, unsure of what to do with Son. Overcome by fear and desperation, he throws the bucket of red paint at Son. He shrieks. Black cloths of all 3 apartments fall (or wrecked during chaos by loan shark), revealing Old Man who watches spectacle in fear from his apartment and revealing apartment on stage right for the first time. Apartment on stage right has a teddy bear and a leather skirt lying on the floor.

Son’s shriek is overlapped by singer’s screech. Singer enters, from audience, stares at son covered in red, then at her house.

Singer: Oh my god! My house! Who go and do this to my house?!

Loan Shark: (slightly puzzled) Li si siang? (hokkien: Who on earth are you?)

Singer: What you do to my house?! What you doing here?

Loan Shark: Li si mm si tan ah hock? Li kiam wa towkay lui. Ka kin heng wah. (hokkien: Are you Tan Ah Hock? You owe our brother money. You better pay back ah).

Singer: No Lah! I not Tan Ah Hock. I sing at night club one leh, never borrow from loan sharks.

Loan Shark: Mai pian wa. Yi eh ah pek ga wa gong liao. Yi gong li kia ji dao. (Hokkien: Don’t lie to me. The old man told me about you. He say you live here.)

Singer: My name where got Tan Ah Hock? You don’t believe you ask the ah pek again. (goes to ah pek’s house) Ah pek! Ah pek!

Mother enters. Sees paint covered son and becomes frenzied. Son is traumatically shocked.

Mother: Caleb! Caleb! Oh! Are you alright? What happened? What happened?

Son doesn’t respond but stares blankly, instilling more frenzy in Mother.

Mother: Why didn’t any of you do anything to protect him? He’s only a child for goodness sake!

Singer: Ah pek! You saw those people paint my house, why you never stop them?! How can you let them do this to me?

Loan Shark: Tan Ah Hock si xiang? (hokkien: Who is Tan Ah Hock?!)

Old Man: (heaves a sigh) Wa jiu si Tan Ah Hock lah! (Hokkien: I am Tan Ah Hock lah)

Singer: Huh? Aiyah, headache already lah.

Scene 8

Light change. All characters are back in their respective apartments, without the black cloth.

Old Man: See? I was right. All of you behaved like good audiences. Sitting down there, not budging an inch! So did we, really. See our houses? There are no walls, either. We could see everything happening in each other’s houses. But no one moves, no one helps. Of course, I understand, you paid to sit there to watch this play. Well, for us, I suppose we have our own reasons too – fear, love, survival, evasion. Everytime we see someone else in trouble, we can just go back to our houses! We’ll be protected by the invisible walls.

He walks back to his apartment, looks around.

Old Man: Almost looks like a coffin doesn’t it? (he poses) No, it’s not my home. It’s just a house. Staying in this house all the time… Might as well be dead huh?

No blackout.

you've actually mentioned that you'll never want to see this work of yours again so hopefully you'll never find this page and be reading this right now.

cheers to you for more wonderful plays to come.