Lies…?



I dreamt of you, with another girl. She was taller, slimmer and had a prettier and sharper face. She was tanned, looked pretty active and was absolutely toned. Not with buffalo thighs that were full of cellulite like mine. She looked more matured, in an intelligent way, and had short hair. Every thing that she was I wasn’t.


I was on the train when both of you came in, accompanied with another girl, her friend, or a friend of both of you I guessed. And you plotted yourselves right in front of me, as if I was invisible, and redundant, and insignificant like just another passer by. You knew me, but she didn’t, and she hugged your arm so tight as if it was something so terribly precious. More precious than a fifteen carat diamond. She leaned on your shoulder and said sweet nothings to you. And like oil to the fire, her friend said something I couldn’t quite hear, but it got both of them laughing. Laughers of sweet victory I clearly remember. Laughters of pride, that suppressed all opponents. Laughters, I presumed, all at me. The small me, who stood barely one hundred and sixty centimeters away from the ground, with budges at wrong places and eyes so small and dull. With you being her prize.


It was so cruel of you. You let her do all that. You let her laugh, you let her hug, and even leave a kiss on your cheek. Everything was made so clear just right in front of me, no more than two meters away. Despite my presence you allowed it all. You did not budge you did not frown, I can’t believed you approved of it.


Well, I couldn’t blame you. I was passive all along. I never revealed my feelings and I never shall. Not even to my closest friends nor to my siblings and the least of all my teddy bear. This that happened and all the tears I fought to hold back will remain with the smallest neurons at the back of my brain.


But then again all dreams are lies. Outright lies they all are. Most dreams I’ve had I wished they were true, but this I don’t and I’m glad it won’t.